At Last_26th Jan, 2007

at last

this is overdue, but for good reason. the power outages often interrupt a perfectly good, long email. frustrating, but i cannot be upset. it comes with the territory.

there is a rainy season, come may. it will last for three months. from what the old-timers have told me, it used to pour straight-through the whole season. when it came time for harvest, fruits and vegetables were abundant. in the fall, fish was plentiful and you could dip a bucket in the stream to catch dinner for the week. in the last fifteen years, the rain has not been coming like it used to. this problem gets progressively worse every year.

there is a very large dam that supplies the energy and electricity for all of ghana. this dam is now below the dangerous level. a few months ago they began "lights out" to preserve the energy. it is supposed to occur every five days...and it did when i first arrived. it is now, nearly every single day that we go without power for at least an hour. and the scheduled lights out now generally last for more than the intended 12 hours. in addition, they will shut off the water just as frequently and sometimes at the same time as the elec. at this rate, i doubt there will be any power come may.

2 nights ago we were sitting at the kitchen table by candlelight. the two young girls had gone to bed and we heard a loug clapping noise from the other room. we went into the bedroom where they were fast asleep to find the dresser on fire from the candle. we got the girls out and extinguised the fire. LUCKILY the water was running at that moment. luckily everything was okay. this is an example of how families and lives are destroyed here.

the last two days have been somewhat pivotal for me. i am really starting to feel comfortable and appreciative of everything around me. i also feel as though my time here is running out. i have begun a few murals for the walls outside of the school among many other projects they want me to finish. i may have to take time off from teaching to finish all that thay are asking me to do.

my hostess has also introduced me to her friend that also owns a preschool called madonna and child. this place is drastically different than the school i work at. it is orderly and calm. i now travel there once a week to give them a "creative day." it is a relief from our overcrowded chaotic classes. here, i met alfred, an advisor for the school. he is one of the only ghanians who is not scared for my soul because it lacks jesus christ. he is openminded and even practices yoga, he confided in me. our conversations are helping me to feel normal among a community where i sometimes feel like an outcast. he has become an outlet for my thoughts that i choose not to share with the rest of the country and i am so grateful to have met him.

religion is everywhere. i went to chuch with the family and it was quite an experience. loud, soulful and quite moving. their passion is admirable. every shop and stop is named to show their religious pride. such as "my guide and my light barber shop" or "jesus is truth fruit stand." some of the names are quite humerous. while my religious opinions differ, people are not overly pushy. i have expressed that i am very spiritual, but also too small to decide who is god or which one is the right one. while this does not offend anyone, they often wish for me to find jesus. they do not yet know just how stubborn i am.

in my classroom i work with a lovely girl named judith. within days she became my closest friend here. she has decided to make me a traditional ghanian dress for my trip to tanzania because it is very hot there, she claims. (mind you i am constantly sweating here and apparently this is winter.) she has expressed that she is worried for me. i will try my best to quote her correctly: "here in ghana good people surround you, but you do not know what you will find there. did you know that god protects those of good moral? he will watch over you even if you do not have jesus christ because you are a good person, jen. you will also be protected because i will pray for you everyday." i thought my heart was going to explode. one of the truest forms of goodness i have ever whitnessed. i will miss her so much.

angelina will also be sorely missed. in my last entry i talked a bit about her. my admiration only continues to grow. she told me the story of her family and how she came to live with letitia and sam (her adopted parents and my hosts). she told me that although her parents are dead, her sister is alive and has a family of her own. they are about 4 hours drive from here, but she has not seen them in five years. she has gone to visit them, but they have not come to see her. in addition, she is only partly included with her adopted family. they laugh together and obviously care for each other, but she never goes on family holidays with them or anywhere with them for that matter...except to church, of course. my first week here, the family took a trip to angelina's home town where her sister lives and did not invite her to come along. i see it as cruel. they see it as fair. they took her in, and now pay for her schooling and give her a roof and food. that is the deal. bottom line. when the family is not around i pick her brain and she is so relieved to talk, i can tell. last week, the family was out, so i forced her to sit at the table and have dinner with me rather than standing in the kitchen and hiding the deed, like she usually does. "you are too nice to me auntie jen. i will be spoiled when you leave. do you know this?" over the meal she told me alot about herself. she said she wants to be a singer. it was nice to see her dream a little. that was the one moment that i saw her for her age...16. you'd never guess it otherwise. she is more mature than most adults. i stopped asking as she kept talking, anxious to hurry up and get everything out before they got home. she started talking about how she is all alone. i tried to disagree to make her feel better, but i knew she was right. no one has ever made her feel that she is important. needed for duties, yes, but important to their heart, no. that is true lonliness. they pulled into the drive and she jumped up and ran to the kitchen.

i have told you about the most important people so far with the exception of one, benedicta. one of my last days in chicago, my friend shannon read my tarrot. she told me about a little girl who will be very important to me. she said that she will be wearing lavender or violet colored clothing and she has some sort of speech problem-not just an accent but something that makes her distinct. on my first day teaching at shapes and colors i noticed that the uniforms are gray, almost purple and i had my eyes peeled for someone to strike me. nothing. on my third day, i was assigned to my class that i will be with until i leave. with all of the excitement, i was no longer looking for her, but she was staring at me. eyes locked on me. they still are, everyday, from the time she arrives until she leaves. her school uniform was obviously made from a different fabric than everyone elses because it is more purple than gray. she does not speak. when i first called on her to answer a question, judith told me, "bene doesnt talk." turns out she can, and has, but it is rare and it is booming when she does. although she speaks very soft and quiet, her voice is extremely low. one day, judith asked me to take a walk with her before school. i heard her speaking in twi to letitia as we were leaving and i gathered that we were going to benedicta's house. we arrived and she was running around shouting with her siblings. she saw us, froze and did not say another word. we went in to meet her mother. i found out later that the purpose of the journey was to thank her for some gifts she had brought to the school. although, i am sure, the other purpose was to show me benedicta's home life. judith is obviously, very thoughtful, and had taken notice of my concern for bene. her mother was feeding her infant and when she was done, handed him to me. she called on benedicta and we heard her billow "yes" from the other room. she ran in, forgetting that we were there and then locked her jaw and her eyes. "i want you to speak in class today. your teachers want you to participate. you will walk with them to school and you will speak to them, oaky?" her mother demaned. "yes" she whispered. she did not say a word until halfway through the day. with much coaxing i got her to whisper the answer to a question to me. "two" is the only thing she has ever said to me. she is like a puzzle to me. she is not from an abusive family. she is not a mute. she plays and talks in the comfort of her home. yet, she is terrified at school. i cannot figure out if she stares at me because she is terrified of me too or because she knows that i feel for her. it is my goal to help her out of her shell.

a few months ago i was emailing a friend about carina, a friends 4 year old daughter who had died of cancer that day. i was expressing how ugly and beautiful things can be at the same time. i dont remember much else of the email, but i described the feeling with this expression: glitter is just shiney dust. i really liked the way that it expressed my thoughts and wanted to used it in writing.

at last....glitter is just shiney dust ..>..>..>..>..>..> ..> ..> ..>..>

the dust clouds are clouding my head with a pinch of sickness..."you are adjusting the the climate." little ones tug on me and dance around me as i sit in the sun. they love that i am at their level. katie leans in and like glitter falling out of her mouth, into my head, exhales, "rigobet says you are an angel." the particles are so fine that i almost miss them through the foggy dust. but it makes a little noise while fluttering around in there. it registers and i look at him. "your back. these things sticking out. they look like wings" rigobet explains. i feel my back and notice the sweat has drawn a picture with my shoulder blades. rigobet is not a nice boy. he is "troublesome" and so, his expression makes me want to cry. katie is pure sweetness and so together they are quite a treat. when she smiles her eyes say more than her mouth. she smiles. he looks through me. i remember that glitter is just shiney dust.